monkeeys

monkeeys

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Twinkie leaks 20 Have you read Bruno's new book?

I always take a few minutes on Thanksgiving to reflect on the past and try to avoid thinking about the future.  I started doing this in 2006 when it seemed to me every swinging dick Albany politician with juice wanted to fire me at the Lobby Commission and insure I never worked again (and really who could blame them - and yes I may have been paranoid and a narcissist but this is Albany and who could blame me).  As I sit down and reflect this year on the past, several thoughts come to mind.  To the three men who abolished the Lobby Commission - Fuck you bitches!!! Spitzer is sitting in his ivory castle secure in the knowledge that he is a whore fucker with no future in government and a reputation that has been sullied forever, a running punch line to a bad joke.  Shelly (whom I liked, I always thought abolishing the lobby commission was just business for him and not personal) is home counting the days until he either reports to prison or has to endure another trial and the cost thereof either way his future is bleak.  And my former patron, the man that did the most to form the political cynic, gadfly and muckracker that writes this blog, Joe Bruno, has had to write a book to try to redeem his reputation after two trials, one conviction and by his own account many many sleepless nights.  Revenge is a dish best supped when cold - Joe Bruno taught me that.  That and many other lessons about politics and people.  Thanks Joe I wouldn't be the person I am today without you.  As for the rest of the ruling class in Albany just ask yourself is Albany a cleaner more ethical capital since 2006?  They have all provided me reams and reams of notes to use in my blogs, enough that I could write a novel . . . wait I already did that.   And I want to thank all the inept, corrupt politicians and bureaucrats  that have made the blog so popular.  November 2016 has seen the highest number of views in the history of the blog, 8703 and counting.  I guess you like the hacked email series.  So here is another that you can read when you get back to work on Monday (although I admit I'm amazed how many of you read the blog nights and weekends).


From: Governors office department (GOD) 
  To: all department heads

 
Subject: Bruno's book
Date: November 24, 2016 8:59 AM

As of this moment Joe's book is number 43849 on Amazon.  I don't want any of you or your employees to buy a copy.  But you are directed to continue buying my book.  Give them as Christmas presents.  If his book sales exceed mine he will think he can be governor or president or pope.   There is only room for one italian egomaniac politician author in Albany and I'll be damned if it's going to be Joe Bruno.   I want all of you to scour the book for lies, half truths and unprosecuted crimes.  Remember three strikes and Joe is out.  Pay attention to chapter 26 I always thought something fishy was going on with the US Attorneys office and Pat Barrett.  The rumor was a deal had been made to look the other way and that was why Joe was so pissed when he got indicted.   Pay attention to the passage where Kay Stafford gets a heads up from Andy Baxter (the acting AUSA) that Joe will be indicted.  Why was the US Attorneys office providing Kay Stafford that info?  I've been around long enough to know a lay down gone wrong when I see it.  Also figure out why Joe would go talk to the feds about rumors that he was being investigated.  He obviously wasn't worried, did someone at the USA's office pass a message to Joe's friends that he had nothing to worry about?  Someone should FOIL the case file and see if there are any FD-302 reports talking about the actions of the US Attorney's office.

G.O.D.

From: AGATA JJOKE  
  To:Governors office department (GOD), all department heads

 
Subject: Bruno's book
Date: November 24, 2016 8:59 AM
Governor

I just checked, your book is at 982473 on the Amazon list so you have nothing to worry about.  You are farther ahead of Joe than Trump is over Clinton.  I don't think Bruno could ever catch up.  Do you think I should write a book?  Maybe include stories of my role in the Percocco scandal along with a how to section on the application of the lobby act?  I can have JJOKE pay for it if I call it a handbook for lobbyists.  Will you write the foreword?   And if we can't buy Bruno's book how are we suppose to scour it for crimes?

Seth

From: Governors office department (GOD) 
  To: all department heads

 
Subject: Bruno's book
Date: November 24, 2016 8:59 AM
Someone remind me why Agata still has a job.  And anyone that needs to read Bruno's book I heard there is one copy making the rounds in Albany  Read that one or go to the book store and read it there JUST DO NOT BUY IT.  If you can wait you can go to the JJOKE meeting Tuesday and steal the one Martin Levine is using as a booster seat.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Twinkieleaks 19 Martin Levine is pissing the governor off

Small problem for Martin the latest hacked email shows he is trying to reach beyond his position


From: Governors office department (GOD) 
  To:  FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
 
Subject: Martine Levine
Date: November 21, 2016 8:59 AM
Agata if you don't straighten that little piss ant Levine out I'm going to fire you and your wife and you will both be working at Tax for Barry Ginsberg.  I'm told by my lobbyist friends and donors that Marty Smurf is saying in writing that the requirement to list third parties on lobby forms is a "fact" and they now have to amend their forms to list me, if their lobbying had a political benefit for my public positions.  It's only one small step until that diminutive d-bag decides to treat my lobbyist friends like you are treating DiBlasio's lobbyist friends and claim that their lobbying is really an imputed gift to me.  Doesn't tiny dancer have better things to do than harass lobbyists over imagined and made up bull shit requirements?  I understand that Levine's vertical challenges has made him into an ethical bully but the limit of his intellect is glaring when compared to LT's soaring knowledge especially when Agata's little helper states that "It is well settled that the construction given statues and regulations by the agency responsible for their administration, if not irrational or unreasonable, should be upheld"  Doesn't that pea brain understand you need the Agency to actually have a construction of a statue or regulation?  I've looked, I've had Alphonso look, I've had Steve Cohen look hell even Monica Stamm looked THERE IS NO MENTION OF A REQUIREMENT TO LIST THIRD PARTIES ANYWHERE in the statute, in your rules, your regulations, your opinions and/or your guidelines.  Where did the little hand find this requirement?  Is he just making it up?  If he is just making it up is he smart enough to realize putting it on your forms is purely voluntary?  And that small as it is he will end up stepping on his own dick if he tries to enforce it.  I think Martin Miniscule's position is both irrational and unreasonable if the commission has never authorized it, don't you?  It reminds me of your stated position about Percocco's failure to file his financial disclosure report.  Relying on the past to support your mistake is a short sighted solution to a much bigger problem.
From:   FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To: Governors office department (GOD)
 
Subject: Martine Levine
Date: November 21, 2016 8:59 AM
I've looked at our lobby material for the first time and I can't find anything about third parties but Levine has assured me it originally was Grandeau's idea so it's not our fault.  Do you want the commissioners to send a letter to the regulated community retroactively making it a rule or an opinion or some other minor requirement?
Seth
 

From: Governors office department (GOD) 
  To:  FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
 
Subject: Martine Levine
Date: November 21, 2016 8:59 AM

My GOD you are dense.  Don't make this a big deal, don't blow it out of proportion.  Just put Martin in his booster seat and give him some infant toys to play with and hope the lobbyist's that are friends of mine don't revolt.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Twinkie leaks 18 who's more greedy Klein or Felder?

The latest hacked email posits a real philosophical question  If a public official violates the Public Officers Law but they are a Cuomo ally did it really happen?


From: Pee Pee(JJOKE investigations)
  To:  FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
 
Subject: Felder comments
Date: November 20, 2016 7:59 AM
Agata
I was reading news coverage of Simcha Felder's decision to stay with the Republican majority and wondered if our great and powerful governor would like us to convince Simcha to caucus with the Senate Democrats.  If our real ethics reform governor would like Simcha to switch sides again we could open an investigation into what he ment when he said the dems did not sweeten their offer enough to make him switch.  Sure sounds like he's looking to leverage his official position to secure personal benefits, you know like bribes.   Even Jeff Klein knows enough to be discrete about that stuff.
Anyway if you grow a set or get the call from the Chair to go after Simcha let me know.  Until then I'll just keep working the DiBlasio case.
Pee Pee

From:  FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To:  Pee Pee(JJOKE investigations)
 
Subject: Felder comments
Date: November 20, 2016 7:59 AM
PEEPEE
Let me check with the 2nd floor I'm not sure the far left governor was being honest about his intentions to help the senate dems.  In the mean time work up something on Klein and Heastie I think we may need to open lots of files in 2017 just to survive.
Seth "find me a job please" Agata
 
FIRE AGATA

Friday, November 18, 2016

Twinkie leaks 17 Someone find Martin a job

Based on this hacked email we now know what Agata really thinks of Martin Levine


From: " FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To: MartinLevine(JJOKE)
 
Subject: Lobby regulations and your resume
Date: November 17, 2016 7:59 AM
Martin

I'd like to schedule a meeting with you and your top staff to help me understand the way you are enforcing the Lobby Act.  I've heard from my friends on the 2nd floor that we might have overstepped on those draft regulations and they have additional concerns (I'm sure raised by that fat bastard Grandeau) that we are making up requirements for lobby filings that do not exist in the law.  They specifically mentioned 3rd party beneficiaries, I guess they are worried that the big guy should have been listed as a 3rd party beneficiary on anyone who was lobbying for the raise in minimum wage.  And they want to know why certain registrations haven't been processed and made available online.  Something about that whoa Cuomo campaign at the track.

Also I have your resume and I know you want to leave but get in line.  And it's not like you know anybody in this town.  I'll be sure to put a good word in for you after I get out of here myself.

Seth

From: "MartinLevine(JJOKE)
  To:  FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
 
Subject: Lobby regulations and your resume
Date: November 17, 2016 7:59 AM
Seth
Don't worry about that 3rd party stuff we don't have the authority in statute to require the listing of 3rd parties so no one can make us apply it to the governor's friends who lobby to benefit the governors political positions.  As to the whoa Cuomo folks they registered and included a start date in their registration but they didn't put a start date in their authorization so my people following my orders to a tee will not process it until they do as we want and add a start date in the authorization letter.  If you guys won't help me find another job I'm just going to make everyone who works for me miserable until I quit and take a job in the mall as Santa's elf.
Martin
From: " FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To: MartinLevine(JJOKE)
 
Subject: Lobby regulations and your resume
Date: November 17, 2016 7:59 AM

Martin

Of course I know you won't go after the governors friends on 3rd parties but if we don't have the legal authority to require it we might look bad when the media writes about it.  I read the statute for the first time today and I don't see anything at all about listing 3rd party beneficiaries nor even a requirement to include start dates in the registrations themselves.  I know you think we are JJOKE we can do whatever we want but when you combine how mad the regulated community is getting about our piccyune approach to dotting i's and crossing t's with the fact we don't have the authority in statute to require this stuff, you are creating a pr nightmare for Walt McClueless.   I also noticed that our enabling legislation does not give us the power to issue regulations on the Lobby Act.  We have to use opinions, you said so yourself in Opinion 16-1.  If that's the case you miserable smurf we are exposed to an Article 78 writ of prohibition if we ever try to go thru the SAPA process on your lobby regulations.   You are killing me Martin smarten up.

Seth

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Twinkie leaks 16 what happens when you give an infant a loaded gun

Who in their right mind gives JJOKE more power?  Only the person that controls them

From: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
 
Subject: local elected officials
Date: November 16, 2016 3:59 PM
Seth
Happy days are here again.  The governor is not going to eliminate us and replace us with a functioning ethics agency.  Instead he is giving us even more power.  We can regulate and investigate local elected officials.  How great is that?  Now we can basically use our power and authority to harass and punish any local politician that doesn't do what the big guy wants.  Think the G.W. Bridge closure on steroids.  I'm so excited I may even rescind my resignation that has been on the governors desk for 6 months just waiting for them to find anyone else to take this job.  Let's not wait, lets open an investigation into New York City elected officials right now.  Start with Mayor DiBlasio.  Make him fill out a new disclosure form that we design.  Then summon him to Albany to be questioned under oath.  This is awesome!   Send subpoenas to that bitch in Syracuse that pissed the governor off.  Issue a 15 day letter to the next republican mayor that complains about state funding.  This will be the greatest thing ever.
Chairman Dan
From: " FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
 
Subject: mid year lobby data
Date: November 16, 2016 3:59 PM
Chairman Dan
We can't do our jobs properly now, how do you expect us to take on all this extra work?  And it's just a proposal RELAX
Seth
From: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
 
Subject: local elected officials
Date: November 16, 2016 3:59 PM
Seth
If this is going to be a problem let me know now so I can tell the governor you are not a team player, otherwise shut the fuck up and do as you are told.  Investigate some nobody local town official of east bumblefuck if that makes you more comfortable but do it after you investigate all  the people on our local enemies list.
Chairman Dan
From: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
 
Subject: local elected officials
Date: November 16, 2016 3:59 PM
Yes sir please don't tell the governor
FIREAGATA

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Twinkieleaks 15 Just in Time reporting

It took JJOKE 4 months to release 6 month lobby data thanks to this hacked email we now know why.

From: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
  Cc: allJJOKEstaff
Subject: mid year lobby data
Date: November 15, 2016 8:59 AM
To all JJOKE staff
What took so long to compile and release the mid year lobby data?  Isn't all this data available on our system in real time like it is in every other computerized data driven environment?  Why couldn't we just hit a button and list clients and lobbyist from most to least like a spreadsheet on July 16?  why wait 4 months?  And are we sure it's correct this time?  Last time we did this McClueless got 9 of the top 10 lobbyists wrong.
Dan
 
From: )" FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE
  Cc: allJJOKEstaff
Subject: mid year lobby data
Date: November 15, 2016 8:59 AM
Chair
The 4 month delay we experienced in providing the mid year data was unavoidable for several reasons:
1. We have to carefully review all lobbyist and client filings to insure accuracy.  If we just take the lobbyists at their word we would end up with inaccurate mid year data as several lobbyists artificially inflate their compensation figures to improve their position on the top ten lists.  Similarly certain lobbyists have been known to register phantom pro bono clients to increase the number of their clients.  In short since we do so little real time auditing of the information we are provided by lobbyists we have no trust in the validity of our data.
2. You would think in this day and age our computer system would require everyone to file electronically thereby allowing instantaneous access to the data much like New York City's system does.  But we don't so almost 50% of client filers still file on paper which then has to be scanned and manually entered into the system the same as it used to in 1995.  We've been allowing a former employee to double dip and design our new system but she only works at most one day a week so it's taking forever and no telling if the new system will be any better than the old, but she is able to supplement her income on the taxpayers dime.
3. To be honest we forgot until last week that we release midyear data soooo......
Seth
From: The anonymous staffer (JJOKE)
  To: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)" FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  Cc: allJJOKEstaff
Subject: mid year lobby data
Date: November 15, 2016 8:59 AM
Dan
Don't let them bullshit you.  The 4 month delay is attributable to one thing.  We spend so much time spell checking and holding up reports because an I is not dotted or a t crossed that the reports slow to a trickle.  And there are numerous amendments and semi annual reports still awaiting approval.  In addition we have to take lie detector tests every other day to see who is leaking information or providing emails to reporters or hacking our system.  For example one of the top ten lobbyists is wrong because we transposed figures or we were hacked who knows anymore.  If the professional presidential pollsters can't get the election right how does anyone expect us to get theses lists correct.  And by the way why can a national election across 50 states in cities towns and rural communities be tabulated and verified in under 12 hours but we need 4 months to tabulate a couple of thousand reports?  Just remember the mid year data is brought to you by the same people that completely missed the Joe Percocco/Todd Howe scandal.
FIRE AGATA

Monday, November 14, 2016

Twinkie leaks 14 Real Ethics Reform

Isn't it amazing how certain people can convince themselves that they are doing a great job?

From: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
  Cc: allJJOKEstaff
Subject: Governors real ethics reform
Date: November 14, 2016 3:59 AM
Seth
I just got summoned to a meeting the gov is having this week to flesh out his real ethics reform package.  They specifically want JJOKE input on what we can do to make it look like we are serious about regulating lobbyists.  I guess Trump's election has convinced the big guy he has a chance in 2020 so he wants to get some positive press for his real ethics reform.  Anyway they are asking for proposals to avoid another Percocco financial disclosure disaster.  I thought we could just pass legislation that would prevent you from answering any questions about any member of the second floor's financial disclosure reports, we just call it confidential.  Second they want to disclose who lobbyists donate money to or bundle for, like New York City's fundraising reports they make lobbyists file.  I thought we could just steal the New York City language and tweak it so that our friends have a loophole to avoid didclosure.  And lastly they want some way to punish a lobbyist if another Todd Howe situation should arise.  How about a lobbyist code of conduct.  It can be very subjective so that we have plenty of room to interpret against our enemies and in favor of our friends.
Danny
 
 
  From: FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
  Cc: allJJOKEstaff
Subject: Governors real ethics reform
Date: November 14, 2016 3:59 AM
 
Dan
I haven't really thought about what changes we should suggest for real ethics reform so good luck in your meeting
Seth
 
From: The anonymous staffer (JJOKE)
  To: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  Cc: allJJOKEstaff
Subject: Governors real ethics reform
Date: November 14, 2016 3:59 AM
 
How did you idiots ever get appointed?  That's right you will do exactly as you are told and kiss as much ass as you are asked to.
Try these suggestions:
For the Percocco problem require that every staffer earning more than $100k on the governors staff and in all agencies have their financial disclosure report audited by JJOKE's executive director, at least that way you have someone to blame.
For the fundraising issue just suggest legislation prohibiting any lobbyist or their client from appearing before anyone they made a campaign contribution to for 1 year.  The lobbyist will love you for it.
And as for Todd Howe just require lobbyists to be licensed.  You set the standards and the prohibited behavior and you charge them for it as well
The anonymous staffer
 
From: FireAgata,Seth (JCOPE)" 
  To: Horowitz,Danny(JJOKE)
  Cc: allJJOKEstaff
Subject: Governors real ethics reform
Date: November 14, 2016 3:59 AM
To all staff
I want everyone in the conference room in 10 minutes to take lie detector tests to find out who the anonymous staffer is.
Seth