Chapter 21

As I drove away from a federally seized Eggy’s my cell phone rang.  I glanced down and saw it was Dante.

“Hello Dante”

“Mort what do you know what do you hear?”

“You called me so what do you know what do you hear?”

“I hear that Jenny Whorehouse got arrested last night”

“What for another corruption case?”

“Nope she ran into the back of an Albany police car”

“Big deal accidents happen all the time it’s not a crime”

“She blew a .20 and she was blowing Senator Hatcher”

“Wait a minute if she was blowing Hatcher her being drunk wouldn’t be a crime Hatcher must have been driving”

“Nope Jenny was driving and blowing Hatcher which is why she didn’t see the police car, so she gets arrested for a DUI and Hatcher ends up in the Albany med ER getting his pecker reattached”

“Still no big deal, lobbyists get drunk, lobbyists have sex with legislators and lobbyists get DUIs, its Albany after all”

“That’s not the whole story though, when Jenny is being fingerprinted she cracks and tells the desk sergeant that she can’t be arrested it will cause her to miss her spinning class and that she will blow the entire precinct if that will get her released.  The sergeant ignores her so she demands to talk to the District Attorney who as you know was up at the casino in Saratoga using his free slot play coupon.  When the sergeant ignores her Jenny starts listing all the inappropriate sexual liaisons occurring in politics.  The sergeant turns on a recorder that the FBI had placed in Hatcher’s briefcase and records the whole thing”

“If Jenny was really listing all the sex that goes on in politics she would still be talking”

“Well she listed enough that the Sergeant sold the recording to the New York Times who is running a big story about how sex really is what makes things work in Albany not the bribes and corruption”

“That will drive Ping nuts, who made her list?”

“She admitted to sleeping with the Attorney General and the Governor on the same night, she admitted to sleeping with the last 3 speakers before Washington but not Washington she said he has a thing for black girls”

“Well that would make sense he is black”

“Would it? Because she said that she had pictures from the last caucus weekend of what they titled a piano key orgy”

“Piano key orgy? What the fuck is that?”

That’s when you have a bunch of black legislators fucking white girls with a minimum of a 5 to 1 ratio white to black”

“Hmmm learn something new every day I guess”

“She also said that the female reporter that does the news show on politics had slept with half the staffers in the senate”

“That happens to be true I can confirm that from personal experience”

“And she said Hibert had another family downstate that resulted from his affair with the head of Family Values that 501c3 Jennifer set up to lobby for tax credits for private schools”

“Wow Hibert’s going to go insane, that violates the Bear Mountain Compact his wife up here will kill him”

“Nope I spoke with him to give him the heads up, he’s not worried he says his wife never reads the New York Times so he’s safe”

“What else did Jenny say?”

“Mort it’s going to be a Sunday Times feature story its 12000 words the question is what didn’t she say”

“Still it’s just sex, the readers will enjoy reading it but nothing will change, a little embarrassment then back to business as usual”

“Mort you’re slipping, Ping is a creature of politics, he lives to be in the headlines and to control the news cycle, this is going to speed up his RICO indictment of the whole legislature, and you don’t have much time before the way of life you’ve known will be changed completely”

An idea started to form in my head, there was an opportunity here to solve a lot of problems that had been building.

“Dante can you get the Times reporter to add an interesting fact?”

“Depends on the fact”

“I heard that Jenny gave the police the name of a prostitute they she has used to provide sex to a lot of public officials . . . including Ping and a government spy named Alex Shimmel”

“Including Ping?  Wow what’s the name?”

“See if the reporter bites on the Ping and prostitute angle first, if they need a second source I’ll get the prostitute to call them, as an off the record source of course”

“What if they want her on the record?”

“Then we will have to get her to go on the record I guess”

This was Albany after all and we have lots of kitties.