Thursday, January 31, 2013

The missing minutes


Several of our regular readers have contacted me to complain that the blog about the recent open mic screw-up at JJOKE left them unsatisfied.  They wanted more.  They wanted to hear what was said in the meeting.  And since we pride ourselves on our ability to get to the truth we have spared no expense to obtain a transcript of what occurred.

It took quite a few resources and the use of highly specialized James Bond type spy equipment along with in depth interviews of those in the room and downloading the listening device that we have had in John Milgrams cigarette for the last year to obtain the following transcript.

Not since the missing 18 minutes of the Nixon tapes has so explosive a recording been published


Biben - CLICK unintelligible garble Rob make sure you don’t put your book down on the mute button

Unknown male _ Okay Miss Biben. . I’m not an idiot I know not to turn on the microphone this is a super secret executive session after all

Biben – Okay where were we? 

Weissman – You were explaining why

Biben – Shut up when I want the opinion of a legislative appointee I’ll be sure to send you a memo  And no you are not allowed to see your mail, sworn complaints or opinion requests unless I let you. Do you understand?

All Legislative appointees – Yes Mamm

Biben – As I was saying we have spent a lot of our valuable time thoroughly examining how we can charge what’s his name?

DiFiore – DiNapoli?

Biben – No the other one

DiIorio – Schneiderman?

Biben – No no the other one the 2nd floor told us they needed to investigate

Horowitz – Silver

Biben – Right Silver anyway so we’ve spent the last six months trying to use that case against the Assemblyman that couldn’t keep it in his pants

DiFiore – Lopez

Biben – Really? Does it matter what his name is Janet?  Don’t you have a parking meter that needs quarters?  I didn’t see Grandeau in the audience but that fat **** is probably lurking about somewhere.  That’s all we need to end up on his blog for you getting another ticket.

Unknown male – Excuse me Miss Biben but what are these buttons on this box for? They have red lights next to them and a sign that says do not press unless you are an idiot.

Biben – I don’t want to admit that I have no idea what all this technology is so Milgram explain to everyone what these buttons are for

Milgram – off the record I don’t know I think it has to do with the microphones but as long as no one acts like an idiot and plays with the buttons we should be fine what’s the worst that could happen?  This is a secret meeting no one will ever know what happens in here.

Biben – Thank you John for that thoughtful and thorough analysis of the issue

Round of applause

Biben – I didn’t see you legislative appointees genuflecting do we need to go over how things work around here again?  Do you want to read in the New York Post how corrupt you are?  All I need to do is push this button and the whole world can hear how Commissioner Yarasomething or other had a conflict of interest in the Silver case and refused to recuse.

Unknown Commissioner – Actually I believe she said that she thought that Judge Yates was an honorable man

Biben – But that doesn’t fit with our case that Silver violated the Public something or other law.  I’m positive the 2nd floor said this Yates guy has to be corrupt right Monica?

Stamm – whisper whisper

Biben – I forgot that Schechtman represents Yates and he’s our guy right?

Stamm – whisper whisper

Biben – Yes yes quite right if the commissioner doesn’t  want to recuse she should keep quiet the less said the better


DiFiore – Point well taken or point taken

Biben – Okay Lets vote to find that Silver did something wrong so we can leak the story to the press.  I know the six executive appointees vote yes.  Renzi? You are a yes right or do I have to have the 2nd floor threaten your wife’s job again?

Renzi – unintelligible mumble

Biben – Good that’s seven in favor how about you the new girl I don’t know your name you replaced that pain in the ass Batra you vote yes


Biben – Okay eight in favor that’s enough the vote carries

Jacobs – I don’t want to impose but I think the law says you need three legislatively appointed democrats to vote in favor to move ahead.

Biben – excuse me the law? The law? I am the law around here

Jacobs – Well the truth is

Biben – The truth? YOU CAN”T HANDLE THE TRUTH.  The truth is the 2nd floor wants this and that’s all anyone in New York needs to know.

KNOCK KNOCK whisper rustling sound of footsteps

DiFiore – What John?  Speak up stop making those ridiculous hand signals. . What? You want me to stop talking?  Why?  For Christ’s sake why are you picking up Rob’s books?  Leave those buttons alone . . .


There you have it a complete transcript of what happened when the mics were left on.

As always make your own judgments of the accuracy of any material on the blog.


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