I saw the Citation X taxiing to the gate at Millionaire. It was white with blue and gold pin striping and had the owners name written in gold on the nose of the plane. It read “Cannabis Inhaled Associates”.
As the plane rolled to a stop the door popped open, the stairs deployed and a middle aged man with a well-tailored dark blue suit and a $400 haircut bounced out of the plane and strode quickly across the tarmac and into the FBO.
I never saw him leave the FBO but he appeared as if by magic at the door of the Audi.
He opened the door and slid into the front seat as if he owned the car and I was his chauffer.
Without any introduction he began talking as if we had known each other forever.
“Well I have to admit Leathers you surprise me, and not many people do that”
“How . . .?”
“Audi A8L in titanium metallic with a cognac interior, four seat package and the refrigerator in the rear armrest. They only made 28 with those options and only 3 with this color combination. You may have more style than I gave you credit for”
“How do . . ” I couldn’t get the thought out as he kept talking.
“So here’s the deal. We’re going to pay you $50000 per month to represent our interests on the pot license”
“$50000 Roland said $5000 not that I’m complaining but . . .”
“$5000 was to lobby FOR a license that we never were going to get $50000 is to stop everyone else from getting a license”
“Who is the we? Masilla Corp?”
“Sure if that helps you sleep at night. Let’s just say that my company wants to help some of our friends in the agricultural export business that are marketing a competing product. These agro businessmen have longstanding arrangements with local distributors that would be impacted by the granting of the licenses and are willing to go to great lengths to prevent a change in the business climate for their product”
“But why not spend that money to get a license as opposed to stopping everyone else?”
“Let’s be frank Leathers are the licensees already selected? And is the selection process and applications just a sham?”
“This is Albany of course the answer to both questions is yes”
“We are not going to pay you $50000 a month so that you can jerk us off for the next year or two we know how the system really works. How many clients do you run that scam on? Pay our retainer and during the first year we will get the bill introduced and passed in one house, next year we work on the other house, during the third year when we are hard at work convincing the governor to sign the bill oops the Senate needs to do a technical amendment and the whole process starts all over again, right? We’re not Microsoft we’re not going to pay you forever and have nothing to show for it other than 3000 copies of Mclowey’s most recent book “Profiles in getting ripped off”
“But . . .”
“No we are paying you $50000 a month to fuck up everyone else’s deals. What do you know about Ravi and Richard Siler’s work for Mazel Tov?”
“Mazel Tov . . .?”
“Mazel Tov is the company they are helping get one of the licenses. It’s really a front for the Israeli mob, but they have done a good job of wiring the license for the capital district. They’ve already fronted the money for Mclowey’s most recent book deal which has a $1 million bonus if he sells 4 copies, they’ve contracted with that idiot Oscar Hibert for $100000 a month to not lobby for anyone else on the pot licenses and they are paying Dixie Junkins $2500 a month to be an additional lobbyist in Richard’s firm and Dixie has promised to split the money with Speaker Washington and as soon as they find someone to do the math for them on what one half of $2500 is they are home free. But that’s where you come in. You have a compliance guy that’s supposed to be pretty good and well respected by the media right?”
“Denny Dejardin . . .”
“Yea that’s the guy, so here’s the deal, first thing, this Desjardin guy is going to file a formal complaint with the Attorney General claiming Siler’s law partner, David Blowsme, made an illegal gift to Mclowey, Hibert and Washington when he flew them on his private jet to a Cleveland Browns football game”
“Wait a minute no one goes to the Cleveland Browns football games and certainly not in Cleveland”
“It was that game last year against the Jets with that new kid “Johnny Football” starting every non-football fan celebrity was there and the rumor was that Blowme lost a bundle betting on the Jets, he is a degenerate gambler you know”
“Even if that is all true, how does it help and why would the Attorney General be helpful to us, he is a big supporter of Mclowey”
“First, he will be helpful because he has purchased a large quantity of our friend’s agricultural product, processed mind you, in the past. And he knows if he wants to continue to utilize that product in the future he will do as our friends tell him. Plus they have already told him that after he helps his per ounce price will be the same as the distributor’s kilo price. And second if we can knock Mclowey out of office our friends will sign him to a South American endorsement deal for the raw product that should net him a couple of million a year, at least until they give him a Columbian necktie, but I’m getting ahead of myself”
“I’m not sure Dejardin will want to do all the research and writing this complaint will require, he’s making a small fortune just helping the lobbying community stay out of trouble, you or I should have his life”
“No worries we’ve already hired him at $10000 per month, we would have paid double that no questions asked but when we negotiated the price he only asked what our monthly budget for flowers was at the office and then asked for half that figure, strange guy. And he knows that all he has to do is put his name on the complaint I’ll write it for him”
“So you plan to stop this multi-million dollar marijuana license project by filing a gift case around a free chartered jet trip to a football game?
Schimmel’s cell phone rang and he glanced at it for a second.
“That’s Barack calling I have to take this”
He jumped out of the car and headed back to the Citation. The whole meeting had taken less than 3 minutes and my head was swimming. Barack? That could be anyone from the President of the United States to a member of Al Qaida.
No matter if the $50000 showed up I’d play, if it didn’t, it was an interesting meeting.
At that moment the Citation started its takeoff roll and my cell phone rang the ID on the phone announced “Cameras In Automation”.
“This is Leathers may I help you?”
“You fucking better, you’re retainer for $50000 was just wired to your KeyBank account, bitch”
“Alex, thank you? But how did you get my Key Bank wire information?”
“You’re kidding right? Grow up you’re in the big leagues now I gotta go that’s Tiger on the other line he wants to play a round at Moreclose, later”
I called Pat.
“Can you check, did I just get a wire for $50000?”
“Yes you did from a company called “Common Interstate Agriculture” on behalf of Masilla Corp. What are you doing for them?”
“I wish I knew Pat, can you call Sam and see if he is available for dinner at the Grove tonight? I need to talk to someone who knows less about what’s going on than I do”
“That looks like a pretty short list right now”
“Short? Do you mean like Danny’s dick?”
Cadillac Curtis always taught me once you know your opponents weakness you beat it to death.
“Like I said Leathers there aren’t many people left than know less than you do . . . but when it comes to the size of that nice catholic boys penis I will admit I know less than you do.”
Cadillac also said that you should never argue with a lady about whose dick is bigger.
My phone rang again this time the ID said “Copius Intelligence Arguments”
“One more thing Leathers, I’ve learned the Israeli’s are buying land to build a collage dorm that will also house their marijuana distribution location. If they pull it off it’s a model they can use all over the country. Think about it their customers will be living right above the sales office. Siler was the mastermind behind that one. I’m actually surprised and disappointed in you that you weren’t smart enough to think of it. I have to take this call it’s Hank, we’re going to buy Bermuda”
“Bermuda? Is that a company?’
“No it’s a country”
He hung up and I was left wondering who Hank was.